just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
