He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
