I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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