We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
