explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
