just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
