today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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