Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
