mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i came on her dog
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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