I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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