one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
