I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
