took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
