All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
