there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize