The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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