everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
