how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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