I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
