Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
as a side note pls kill me
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
