I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
