He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
