I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
