i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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