you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
FUCK WHALES
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
