Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She announced her abortion via fbk
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
