ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
