I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
