12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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