It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
