One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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