how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
