you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
