I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
