that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
