what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
