look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
