his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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