I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
