yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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