Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
