I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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