thus making me awesome and them whores
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
