your room smells of hookers.
And success
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize