she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
