Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
