Duck Duck Cougar?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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