Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
two words...techno handjob
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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