I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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