Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
