You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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