He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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