Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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