she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
