just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
