how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
