It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
