Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
