Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
