Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
