we're chasing vodka with high fives
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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