Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize