If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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