:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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