I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
