we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
