Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
