nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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